DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
pray to the hookup gods
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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