it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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