So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
