it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
