People in love make me want to vomit
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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