She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
