it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
