# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
