I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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