So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I got inside last night via doggy door
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
