no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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