are you so shy because you have an std?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
