There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
