I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize