I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
