i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
