Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
