A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
