Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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