Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
