Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
