Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
