my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
