i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
