Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
