When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
