Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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