Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
