Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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