Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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