I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
wow bdsm is so cute
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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