If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
