i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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