Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
