In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
