i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When did angry sex become our thing?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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