ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
