I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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