The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
