once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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