I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
