mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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