i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
