and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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