I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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