EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
