he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
