Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
