No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
