You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
