4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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