all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
