So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
