Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We are two peas in an std pod
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
