but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
