My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
